Hi,
So if you’ve been following my few posts, you’ll know I’ve been considering and applying to law school. Well, I’ve been accepted to one and now I’m trying to get as many scholarship dollars as I can to help off-set the fantastic government loans I will be taking out…to the tune of $50,000 PER year. Wow!
Please help me by following the link and voting for my essay!
Thanks ;o)
Being told negative things about oneself is never easy to hear. It’s not easy to have someone line out what character flaws you have or areas that are clearly battle zones for you.
It’s tough to hear not only because usually (and I say this with the full knowledge that lots of people are clueless about their flaws) I am pretty aware of the chinks in my armor but also because it displays that someone ELSE is aware of my dents and dings, as well.
Hearing that I can be harsh with my words isn’t exactly exposing some unknown secret. I’ve been opinionated and an extrovert my whole life…that combination will get ANYONE into trouble. Add a dash of anxiety here, insecurity there, and a splash of self-loathing and it’s a recipe for hurtful words. I really dislike that about myself and have been consciously working on it over the years. Some years are better than others, I won’t lie.
The part that makes it hard to hear is when it comes from someone who is really nice, which I am naturally skeptical of due to the difficulty I have being nice sometimes. It instantly makes me feel judged therefore defensive. I want to then retaliate by pointing out THEIR dents and chinks in their armor. What a horrible response to have.
This just happened and my response was to physically back away. It’s fresh in my mind. I don’t want to be prickly. I don’t want to be instantly on the defensive when I’m given [true] feedback about myself. How do I set a block in my mind to not instantly react? I have to work on this…I’ve actually been working on it…but how do I make it an every time thing?
There is a verse in the bible that say, “…be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.” James 1:19,20 NASB
So dear James, HOW many times do I have to focus on this before it becomes second nature? I want to be calm, mellow, sweet, only say positive and kind things to everyone. I want to do that yet I fail on a daily basis. While I’m certain I am not the only on who battles this, it just seems so much easier for other people.
Lord, calm my heart. Fill me with the truth of Your love and peace. Please let that overflow out of me and onto others. Cover my words with Your grace. Amen
Nothing is actually wrong. When I look at my life…the amount of things wrong with it are really really few. I have a great family, I have some good friends, I have people who matter to me and I to them, I’m healthy (save for this ridiculous cold I cannot seem to shake and the random patches of poison oak), and deep down I have hope, true hope. I am on the brink of tears, nearly always. I cried giving a homeless man a dollar today. HE’S the homeless person, not me. I have a home. Why was I crying? For some reason though, I feel that funny sad feeling.
Clearly, not funny “haha” but funny Weird. I feel weird. Now, I may actually BE weird but it’s not the quirky weird or cute weird or silly weird…it’s the weird that’s right before something bad happens, or how you feel before you realize that you’ve had a headache all day or your back needs to pop and no position is actually comfortable.
Wait.
That’s it.
I am uncomfortable. I’m uncomfortable with nearly every area of my life. Whoa. How did this just come to me? I wish I could say I’m making this up or I’m just blogging a thought I had before but I’m not. I’m really really uncomfortable. I’ve realized that I am in the ultimate limbo with waiting to hear from law schools on what my next three years may look like and if I’ll be moving out of the area come fall. Also the place I’m renting is in escrow so at any moment I may get the call giving me 30 days notice to which I’ll have to find a new place to live or maybe I’ll be able to negotiate deal with the new owners. Those are big deals. But that’s not all that I’m uncomfortable with.
My pants are a bit tight which means I’m not running enough. I’m not stoked about the state of my heart right now, it needs some work…uncomfortable work. Work. Work is work. Balancing three jobs currently isn’t super comfortable but it’s not bad and I’m grateful to have a way to pay my bills. Who I am. Why does that make me uncomfortable? I think it might be having growing pains.
Uncomfortable = funny sad feeling.
That makes sense.
I (and all my 28-34 year old friends) fall in the odd section of generations where I’m the youngest of one but not quite young enough to be in the next. I’m a Gen-X’er but barely. I’m not a Gen-Y “Millenials” by about the same amount of years that I am barely a Gen-X’er. It’s an odd spot to be because I don’t really identify with either one. The term XY is pretty much exactly where I am. The oldest of Gen-X (depending on which reference you trust on the years of the generations) are a solid 15 years older than me. That doesn’t sound like much but when you consider how much technology changed between their high school years, my high school years, and the high school years now….WOW, 15 years is a really big deal on either end. They’ll [Gen X] be turning 50 in 3 or 4 years….hmmm….I cannot identify with that.
(a great blog on the Gen X vs Gen Y: http://www.genpink.com/when-does-gen-x-end-and-gen-y-begin/)
Reading about how “Millennials” are shaking up the work place, school and politics makes me uneasy and worried. Not so much that I am concerned if whether my section of generation will do anything great or shake things up but in that I have to work with these people. I don’t appreciate some of the overwhelming characteristics Gen-Y’er present…such as entitlement, whining, backing causes they have NO clue about, demanding respect but giving little, and the list goes on. I am certain they have positive traits too and I work with some that I do like and appreciate their skill set and unique points-of-view but overall, I hold to my previously stated grievances as more of the “norm”.
What I do wonder about is whether second half Gen-X’ers (XY) can be ground-breakers? Or will we be what The Fourth Turning says we are and be the “building” generation that does all the work yet gets none of the glory? Takes the brunt of recession and puts systems into place that will be successful but only after its too late for us to benefit from it.
I’m not going to cite any sources because, frankly, I don’t have the time right now to look them all up for you. I do highly recommend The Fourth Turning by William Strauss & Neil Howe. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0767900464/ref=s9_bbs_gw_d0_g14_ir01?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-3&pf_rd_r=199V3ZRW8J1Q02B2XAVA&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=470938811&pf_rd_i=507846
It’s not a simple or fast read but certainly worth the energy to see the pattern of our generations, economy and what they predict about economic recessions.
What I certainly don’t want to do is resist change, growth, technology, or being challenged in how things are done. I want to be stretched, grow, and learn which is what younger generations have been making older generations do for all of time.
All in all, I rather prefer to be on the edge of two generations since I can choose to identify with the positives of either one and be completely justified in it :o) And when my character flaws catch up with me…I can blame it being part of Gen X or Gen Y….
I swear. Well, I do swear but what I mean is, I swear there is nearly always an inappropriate word, saying, thought, phrase, or song just waiting to jump off the tip of my tongue at the most inappropriate times! My filter has greatly improved over the years, luckily, but I still am on constant vigilance in staff meetings, the employee kitchen or at networking functions against…myself. My brain comes to the fastest, funniest, albeit inappropriate, thought and it just sits on my tongue…waiting for final approval before launching itself full force into a situation. My brain is not automatically wired to be PC nor worried about the HR department. All I can do is put on the final E-brake before the verbal accelerator is hit.
Thank you Lord that I’m getting better! My thought right before I decided to write this may have gotten me fired. Phew!
skivich 